Friday, 19 February 2016

Mental health and me

So the other day I wrote about Mini and Dollop and how they are at the moment, but now it's time to come clean about me.

I have depression.
I suffer with my mental health.
I am ill.

Many of you know this as I'm quite open about it on Twitter and Facebook. But I guess I kind of assumed that my anti-depressants would see me through it all.

They're not.

I have been out of sync I suppose. I have little energy, enthusiasm or even interest in much at all. I go through the motions each day...school runs, housework in a lacklustre limited 'that'll do' kind of way, grocery ordering, washing and cooking. After the kids are in bed I barely even watch TV as I'm finding I have zero concentration.

Bedtime arrives and I lie in bed and read, then read more, then read even more until finally sleep overcomes me, usually around 3am. I've tried not reading, but then I just lay, and roll over, and kick the duvet, and fidget, and eventually get up. Either way I then spend the next day shattered, perhaps dozing on the sofa, again with no energy or enthusiasm. I'm stuck in that cycle now. Every now and then I take a relaxant to help me get a full night's sleep, although in honesty I'm not sure if it's that working or just sheer exhaustion!

The 'funny' thing is - home life has been better recently. I'm less on edge about Mini. I have fewer concerns about him these days. We have a pretty good routine. But I think the last few years have really taken their toll and it's all just catching up with me. Sheer exhaustion from parenting a traumatised child. But of course it's hard to explain that to people who don't see how challenging it is - because he doesn't let go in front of them, he saves it all until he feels safe at home.

I need more support, but I don't know where to get it, or what form it should take.

I have decided to take positive action:

I will make more effort to see and speak to my friends.
I will actively look after and treat myself.
I have already started using the Headspace App to improve my head space and mindfulness.

If you see me floating around on Twitter or Facebook - come and say hi. I'll do my best to say hi back.

2 comments:

  1. Stopping by to send lots of love and an understanding hand. I'm in a similar situation to you and am experiencing the fallout of too many years of stress and trauma parenting. The trouble is we give and give until there's nothing left for us and we need to take better care of ourselves. I think we're similar in that we take a lot on and push ourselves too hard and try to be the best parents we can be. I wish I had a simple solution other than we do somehow need to take better care of ourselves. It sounds like you need lots of TLC, massages and maybe some help to overcome the trauma to your frazzled nerves. Have you thought of trying homeopathy? Anyway, here if you need a hand hold across the miles. Xxx

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  2. It's good to see you blogging again xx

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