We live our lives in extremes. Every aspect of parenting a child who has suffered trauma is in the extreme.
We deal with extreme behaviour as extreme emotions and extreme reactions affect our children. We
have to manage our own extreme emotions - guilt, love, wonder, shock, fear, grief, awe, amazement and so on, extremely quickly as we have to be prepared and available, emotionally and physically when our children need us to be - sometimes on extremely short notice.
This week I've struggled to flip between emotionally available mum and shocked fearful mum as quickly as Mini has managed to flip between frightened, angry 8 year old waving a knife at my face and cuddly, affectionate little boy who loves his mummy. And I've wanted to run away and deal with my feelings before being mummy again. But I couldn't.
It takes time to recognise our own emotions and come to terms with not only what we've experienced but how well we've managed to regulate our children and make them feel safe again. And that's OK.
I talked with another adoptive mum today and she feels the same, and that made me feel normal and better and relieved. If you recognise yourself here, then I hope you too feel reassured - you're not on your own x