Sunday, 22 February 2015

How far have we come?

A year ago we were struggling. We were seeing a counsellor regularly - both the NC and I had individual sessions, and we had joint sessions (sometimes including Mini too).

Mini had moved schools not long before and although he was settling well there, it wasn't having the huge impact at home that we wanted.

Spelling test day was awful, and Mini went from bouncing downstairs all enthusiastic, to argumentative, slow and in denial about going to school. He dreaded that day of the week.

The NC was having to go away infrequently for work - something that had never happened before. On the day of, or following his return he'd be met by an angry little boy, intent on punishing his father for creating these feelings of loss within.

Just over a year ago, I was washing Mini's school trousers every day through either wetting or soiling AND his bedsheets every night, as he endured horrific nightmares, and felt anxious about school everyday.

Last year, like every year I would dread half term. I'd make charts, and games and plan to make sure we had things arranged (even if it was just movies or resting) to help me feel more in control.

I was falling down a big black hole of despair. Further into depression than ever before, with the black dog constantly by my side, or -as it often felt- sitting on my head, weighing me down and clouding my judgement.

It wasn't all bad though...A year ago, Mini called me the best mum ever for making his some cool cupcakes to take into school on his birthday (and first day).

So let's have a look at just how far we've come...

We've finished our sessions with our counsellor. We could benefit from more individual sessions, but we're coping without. We're now in the middle of a package of monthly sessions to catch up and keep in touch, but last time we finished early as we had nothing to discuss with her...things are going THAT well.

Mini is much more comfortable now at school. It's like he's always been there and he loves his teachers - yes, even though we've got another job share set! He likes going to school. He likes playing footie with his mates. He loves football club each week. He is part of the class.

Spelling test day is no longer feared. In fact, I don't even know when spelling test day is anymore!

The NC hasn't been away too much this year, but the most recent episode - this week in fact, was completely different. On his return, I'd let Mini stay up a little later to make sure he saw daddy before he went to bed (well, it is half term), and instead of being an angry, red faced person, he was kind and cuddly and just pleased to have his dad home.

Mini's trousers have been much better since moving schools - and although he has the odd accident, and went through a soiling period too, I'm not washing daily through wetting, but from muddy knees instead.
I rarely have to wash his bed sheets, and have to remember to change them weekly like everyone else's!
I did not dread half term! Even though the NC was away for a couple of days. I was rested before it started, happy to spend time with the children and not at all daunted about entertaining them.

I'm now on anti-depressants. And happy about it. It took time and several attempts to find the right one for me, but I'm feeling better little by little. I know it's going to be a long journey, but I'm confident in my ability to recognise my own depressive signs, and confident that I have an approachable GP.

And I'm pleased to report that Mini still thinks I'm the best mum ever. Even more so for allowing him to have a guinea pig, creating a guinea pig cake for his birthday and letting him get Minecraft.

So that's how far we've come. I'm in the right place to recognise progress, and hope that we continue to make more.


  1. It's always such a feeling to look back and see how far you've come isn't it?! I'd say you've done good this year lady:) I too take medication, for anxiety, and man alive does it ever make such a difference. Maybe one day I won't need it but for now I do and that's ok. Congrats on coming so far!

  2. Best mum ever? Don't know when the spelling test is? Can you get better than that?! Long may the good times continue, as I am sure they will do as Mini matures, You're doing so well :)