Thursday, 24 October 2013

Forget the future #WASO

It’s a cliché to say ‘I just want us all to be happy’.  Will it happen? I don’t know.

The future is such an unknown, as it is for all families – no-one knows what will happen. I’ve kind of stopped thinking or worrying about the long-term future so much.

Tomorrow is unknown, next week is unknown, to be honest, I don’t even know what’s going to
happen in half an hour when Mini walks through the door after school, I can't begin to think about a year's time, or beyond that.
 
Live in the moment, that’s what I think we need to do more of. We need to read Mini more – now, not think about his actions and body language retrospectively. After all, things are easier with hindsight. We need to have fun and be spontaneous with our children now. We need to respond to their needs and wants (even if they don’t know what they are) now – not in a minute, or later.

We need to make memories with them now, so that they can carry those memories of good times into the future.

I still have worries of course I do, and immediately the worries are around Mini’s education and schooling. They’re around how he feels about school, and how making him go to school makes him feel about us. I hope education in the long-term changes for him, and he begins to accept, if not enjoy it. And I'll still plan - planning means we don't dither about what we're doing, we can just get on and enjoy it, knowing the details are sorted, and yes I'm already planning the next few months.

But for the long term future…can we be happy? I hope so.

 

 

 

 

12 comments:

  1. Completely agree the future is unknown and we need to focus on the here and now to build happy memories. Your line about you don't know what will happen in half an hour when Mini walks through the door made me smile. I can relate to that feeling of 'What kind of attitude will the girls come home with tonight?' 'How will my two year old handle me saying no?' etc etc!!

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    1. I think it's something that many of us can relate to - and I have it with my 3.5 yr old stubborn, birth diva, I mean daughter too!

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  2. Live for the moment and enjoy them while they are young! As ours got older and they became teenagers it has become apparent that their futures are, in large part, driven by their personal choices that we can only partly influence. It doesn't stop us worring up them (school, work, relationships) and the directions they will take. I think it is a matter of taking full advantage of the compressed opportunities of early years to have fun, provide a loving environment that gives them the foundation upon which to build their futures. But, in the end, it is a matter of the choices that they make which we can only gently steer and nudge in what we think is the right direction!
    In the teenage years it seems life is chaotic (actually, let me correct that - it doesn't seem life is chaotic, it is chaotic!) and they frequently make poor choices...but is is all about learning from experiece and, looking at it optimistically, it may be better to learn some of these lessons as a teenager with our parental safety net than later as an adult where the consequences could be far more wide reaching.....or at least that's how we reassure ourselves at the end of frustrating, angry, destructive days - a couple of glasses of wine also help!

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    1. I completely agree with you. With Mini and Dollop at 6 and 3, I think we can start building that parental safety net now, so it's there for when they need it. Thanks for the comment x

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  3. Such a wonderful post. I have to say I definitely need to practise 'living more in the moment' and Three Pink Diamonds I can relate to the feeling of not knowing what is going to happen in the next 10 minutes after the boys walk in the door let alone what will happen later that day or week.

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    1. It's hard to get into this frame of mind. As a natural planner, and hater of surprises it doesn't come naturally to concentrate on the 'now' but I've realised that we have more fun and less crap when we don't think too far ahead (or at least don't let on that we've thought too far ahead), but enough to show the kids that they're safe, and will be safe, and know that we're in control. x

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  4. Yes, looking into the future is definitely way way too difficult!

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    1. And I think it's kind of pointless - who knows what will happen. If I thought too hard about the future I'd scare myself stupid!

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  5. All we can hope for isn't it? To be happy in the end.

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    1. Finger's crossed it works out that way x

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  6. Thanks for the timely reminder - I have to really discipline myself to concentrate on the here and now as I'm always excitedly making plans for a far distant future. Every so often I have a shock as we reach a milestone and I realise just how fast the days are flying by :(

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    1. It doesn't come naturally and I also have to discipline myself, but life is definitely easier and more relaxed when we think less and do more x

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