Friday, 2 August 2013

Coping with birthdays...

Mini's birthday is at the beginning of the year. His first birthday was just a couple of weeks before he moved in, and just a couple of weeks after Christmas.
It *could* be a difficult time. So many events and celebrations so close together, but it's always been OK and I think that's in part  down to us managing Christmas the way we do. And only having a very small celebration/acknowledgement of 'Moving In' day.

I might not have been at his birth, but it was and remains his birthday - the day he made his very quick arrival into this world. He was (and is) loved from the moment he was born. He was cherished and much wanted (and still is). It's a day we can celebrate his life, and I always think about his birth mother that day, knowing that she's thinking of her little boy.

Also, it's something for him, just him and although I'd like to think that us becoming a family, or us meeting each other are important days for him, they're probably more special to the NC and I, especially at the moment. So I think it's really important that we celebrate Mini's birthday as his special day, for as long as he wants to.

Then we turn to other birthdays - mine particularly. These are days that Mini copes less well with. The turn of attention to someone else is totally unreasonable as Mini sees it. Since Mini has arrived, almost all of my birthdays have been awful, and that's down to Mini's behaviour on those days. He strops and tantrums from the minute I get up to open presents and cards. He tries to take over the opening of said cards and presents. They are not actions to deliberately ruin my birthday, they are instead attempts at gaining attention. He's making sure we don't forget him. But despite knowing this, it's still disappointing year after year to cancel/change even the gentlest and quietest of plans.

He copes better with Dollop's birthday - and indeed it falls during term time so we've previously taken her out for the day whilst he's been at school - she's enjoyed herself, and he doesn't have to worry about it. And the NC's birthdays have always gone without a hitch. Perhaps mine is the problem because of my own expectations? Each year I hope that things will have improved enough; that Mini will feel secure enough for us to go out for the day, or head out for a meal, but...

What do you do? How do your children cope? Have you ever not celebrated a birthday because of how it's dealt with after?


  1. We haven't really had any issues around birthdays yet - I think OB is too young. This year will be the first birthday he has when he really knows what's going on, so I guess I'll see how it turns out. Hadn't thought about how he might feel about my birthday though! Thankfully, with just him and me in the house, my birthday is usually pretty low key affair :)

  2. Enjoyed reading your post.

    We haven't had any birthdays yet, but my middle daughter and I will be having ours soon. Good to read about some of the issues/possibilities we may face.

    I will probably blog about it all over the next few months, so I will let you know how it goes. :)

  3. Crikey you could be talking about my family. Beeswax struggles with my birthday and no matter how much I try to lower my expectations I find myself struggling with accepting why it is this way(I understand why it is that way).

    On a positive as each year goes by he is managing to tolerate it just a smidgen more :-)