Friday, 7 June 2013

WASO: A recipe for conversation

Last week I was chatting with Mini and the NC about what theme I could set for the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. The NC stayed fairly quiet, but Mini piped up with 'Disney', then 'play'. I explained that Disney might not be appropriate - then again *thinks about the number of Disney movies that feature loss* and that we've had play before.

"OK, what about when mummies and daddies go shopping for things"

"How is that about children, and mummies and daddies doing their mummy and daddying jobs?" I asked. (He knew that the theme had to be about parenting/adoption/adopted people somehow).

"Well you know, it's like when mummies and daddies go shopping for food and there's loads of it, then babies come along and there's not so much food for everyone", he innocently replies.

The NC and I exchanged glances.

"Do you mean like when you were little we had lots of food, then Dollop came along and there wasn't as much food anymore?" I enquired. Too eager to wonder, I went straight in with gentle questioning!

"Yes".

Shit! Really, I mean did he really feel like this?! Yes, we tightened our belts when Dollop was born, because it coincided with the NC being made redundant, and his new salary being lower and his travel costs higher, but Mini has never gone without. Even during the toughest of the tough times, there has always been food (although admittedly once it came from my mum sending a Tesco delivery our way). I gently talked about how it must have been really tough if he thought there wasn't as much food, and it might have made him feel a bit cross with Dollop if he thought there was less food because she had been born. He confirmed that yes, he did feel cross with Dollop, and did think it was her fault.



I explained that there would ALWAYS be food, enough food for him and Dollop to have 3 meals and 2 snacks every single day. And I also explained that we didn't have as much money, but that was because Daddy's job had changed, not because Dollop had been born. And actually, things are much better now because Daddy's job has changed again...for the better.

He seemed to be fine with this, and he went off to bed happily, but OH. MY. GOD. This is such a massive thing that Mini has never shared with us before, and explains some of his ambivalence towards Dollop. He's never had food issues (that we've known of), he's always been well fed, was weaned on proper home cooked food, and has been a pretty good eater. Tonight, after all the crap of Bank Holiday weekend, this is such a breakthrough for Mini to openly talk about something that has bothered him. Not only that, I was gently able to ease a little more out of him without upsetting him. That means as much as it's a breakthrough for him to share his thoughts, it was a breakthrough for me because I gave him a space in which he felt comfortable enough to share. So yay both of us!

So there you go. This week's Weekly Adoption Shout Out theme is all because of that conversation. I'm looking forward to reading more posts about food too!

5 comments:

  1. So amazing what they hold in their heads and their logic/reasoning. Kids astound me.

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  2. Love moments of revelation but always a little moment of "Why didn't I see that?" sometimes follows. Though these things happen when they are good and ready or our children are good and ready, and I stand by that. Great for you both. xx

    Thanks for sharing on the Weekly Adoption Shout Out

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  3. Wow! The way kids see the world, eh? Amazing!

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  4. Amazing insight demonstrated here, brilliant. Sometimes we don't give enough credit to kids I think. My toddler can't talk properly yet save some words, but his ability to listen and learn is remarkable. Great post

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