Friday, 24 May 2013

Meaningful memory making

When Mini first came home, I didn't dwell on the 'firsts' I'd missed. We just got on with it and started creating our own treasured moments. Many of them are the same as birth parents:

The day he came home.
His first words. (Bus, in case you were interested!)
The first time we were called Mummy and Daddy.
His first unaided steps.
The day he said his name properly, instead of his babyish version of it.
His first day at nursery.
His first day at school.
The time he met his new sister and looked proudly into her eyes.
His first haircut.
His first trip out in the car.
The time Mini spread yoghurt *everywhere*.

But because we adopted him, there are some extra treasured moments that birth parents don't get:

The day it all became official and we were 100% responsible for this little person.
The day we went to court to celebrate.
The fantastic moment when someone said he looked like his daddy. (Because inside, we knew that wasn't quite possible, and it meant so much).
The first meaningful 'I love you' when we knew he'd been struggling to say it.
The day I confused the nurse who asked if his birth had been complicated, by telling her I wasn't there. (Flippant I know, but I couldn't resist).

I know we were lucky enough to have Mini placed with us when he was so young, and perhaps I'd feel differently if he'd been older and we'd missed even more of these firsts. But until I had Dollop and experienced the firsts and the moments that I'd not had with Mini, I really didn't miss them:

The excitement of seeing that first tooth poke through (then the reality of the sleepless nights after).
The first times she rolled over, sat up, and crawled.
Her first birthday and first Christmas.
Her first smile.

In some ways, I still don't feel I've missed them with Mini. I know it's easy for me to say, when I've had all these amazing experiences with both of my children but life is what you make it. Treasured moments don't have to be the firsts. Mini is here now, and we're making memories. And now, they're his memories too. And isn't it more important that we share some amazing times, some proud moments and some massive achievements than me knowing the date his first tooth gave him grief?
I think so.

If you have a treasured memory that you'd like to share, then you'll be pleased to hear that soon, you'll be able to take part in a new blog link-up where you can do just that! The Adoption Social is a new site, launching on Friday 14th June. Each Monday we'll open a new linky called Memory Box where we hope you'll share achievements, memories, and great moments. Read more here...


  1. You've given me the broadest of smiles with this posts. Gorgeous and good promotional work too. x

    Thanks for being part of The Weekly Adoption Shout Out

  2. Ah I love your birth remark. I face a few similar opportunities, but always bottle it. One day someone will get up my nose enough for some snidy remark... and I will blame you! ha ha. Great post

    1. lol - feel free to blame me. Sometimes it's worth it to see their face, and gives you an opportunity to educate. x

  3. beautiful memories :)

  4. What a great way to look at it! Sometimes I do think about the things we missed in the months we were waiting, and the months before our daughter came to us. You're so right: that treasured memories are about more than 'firsts'. Treasured memories are about sharing your lives forever and loving each other unconditionally. Thanks for a great post!

    1. Thanks Laura. The moments we've shared together mean more than any of the firsts...

  5. Couldn't say it better than the commenter above :)

  6. I love the comments to the nurse! and very exciting to read about the launch soon of the new blog - the memory box idea sounds great!

    1. Thank you :-) We're very excited for the launch, just a couple more weeks to wait!

  7. I also can't resist those moments to confuse people! I haven't spent too much time thinking about the firsts we missed, there has been so much I think it would be impossibly sad to dwell. There are still all the firsts with/for us and that's what I choose to focus on. Plus, because Jonathan didn't have any words to express what he was experiencing until last year, in many ways a lot of what we do is the first time he's able to share those experiences too so it's pretty amazing! You've made me think and reflect (and laugh!) and I appreciate that. Thank you:)

    1. Thanks Lindsay - I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes to confuse! I hate the assumptions you get, so take the opportunities to challenge sometimes...

      The firsts you have with Jonathan are the ones he'll remember, and you'll share, so definitely a great place to focus xx