Thursday, 30 May 2013

A visitor named guilt

The guilt, at times is all consuming.
It moves throughout my body, making me doubt, making me change, making me waiver.
The guilt wipes away perspective and reason.
It's only purpose is to bring me down, and weaken my resolve.

The guilt, it creeps in when I'm not looking.
Then it whispers, and whines, and seeps in, deeper, until doubt comes with every request.
The guilt makes my mind wonder, and my body wander towards unconsidered treats.
It taps away until I change my mind to make up for something I've long forgotten.

The guilt brings hatred, of me and others.
New grudges develop, whilst others become renewed, no room for forgiveness.
The guilt is of what has happened since and what has gone before.
Logic says I cannot change the past, guilt tricks me into believing I could have stepped in sooner.

Guilt. The ultimate flaw.
It breaks the back of seasoned parents.
The guilt is a regular visitor to my house, to my mind.
I cannot change the past, but I can shape the future, a future with less guilt? No, just more acceptance.

13 comments:

  1. This poem is all so true and real to lots of parents but I must reassure you that guilt is the enemy here and not you. The only reason you feel guilt is because you want to do your best for your child and sometimes you are pushed to a point were that is very difficult. Sometimes what you consider the best is not what your child wants and there is no persuading them. You really are an amazing and wonderful mum and I know you are making progress all the time even if it's sometimes hard to see. Kick that guilt to the ground stamp on it and stand tall and proud, you really should be proud for everything you achieve. xxx

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    1. Thanks Sarah. I think guilt will always be around, for a variety of reasons, but I think it's like that for all parents and is something that we have to just accept.
      You're right, we feel it because we want the best for our kids, and that will never change, just need to channel the guilt into something productive instead xx

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  2. Such a destructive emotion guilt. It's pretty much guaranteed as a mother. Important to be kind to yourself also, we are all doing our best.

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    1. Thanks Stephanie, I think you're right, we all get it. Sometimes, most of the time, I can handle it, but when times are tough it's just another thing to knock you down isn't it?!

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  3. Beautifully written. I echo what Sarah has said although am just as guilty of the emotion. When this visitor comes calling have a little list handy of all the things you've done well to remind you of all the positives. For there are many xx

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  4. A very perceptive picture of what guilt does in our lives. though often we can't turn Guilt the visitor away at the door, we can perhaps put him in a corner and carry on as if he's not there. Hopefully he'll get bored and wander off.

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    1. We can hope can't we?! When I was working, to help me switch off I used to visualise a book...I'd open it when I sat at my desk, and close it as I left. Perhaps I need to bring that book back and slam the guilt inside it, shelve it, and leave it there!

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  5. Guilt can be very pervasive...I remember one of my first feelings when I had my son was that of guilt - that I wasn't doing enough, already and he was only minutes old. I agree with Judith above, let's just ignore him (guilt) and he might go away. A wonderful, honest poem saying what so many of us feel xx

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  6. Hello. Just found you recently, am catching up but empathise so much. Gosh being a mummy is hard! And the guilt. Arg the guilt!! At everything but mainly at feeling I'm somehow not enough! Sheesh. It's hard.

    Anyway, this is so beautifully written!

    M

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  7. Guilt - as powerful an emotion of motherhood as love. Beautiful poem x

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  8. Guilt goes hand in hand with a lot of things but Motherhood in particular. Such a well-formed, well-written poem - knowing exactly how you feel with this one. Thank you so much for linking up.

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  9. beautifully written, I have never felt so much guilt as I do now I'm a Mum! It's such a huge responsibility and I constantly second guess whether I've done the right thing. Thanks for sharing and a beautiful poem

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