Friday, 5 April 2013

To my darling daughter...

Dear Dollop

You are the most special little girl do you know that? You are a miracle, because after years and years of trying and treatment, Daddy and I never thought I'd be able to get pregnant.
The doctors gave us some hard choices, but we decided that it would be best to try to adopt a child, instead of spending lots of time in and out of hospital. After the lovely social workers said we were allowed to be a mummy and daddy, your brother Mini came home and we were thrilled to become a family. He was a cute, lively, happy boy and we adored him then as we do now.

A positive pregnancy test late the next year was a complete shock. I had to take 4 tests just to be sure, and even then I didn't believe it until you were in my arms. A beautiful, chubby little baby girl, with heaps of hair and sparkling eyes.

Life hasn't been easy for either of you has it? You see, before Mini came to live here, he had some tough times. He moved a couple of times. It was hard for him to leave his first mummy, and then his foster mummy too. He still has some memories of them, and he can remember the way he felt back then. It makes him sad sometimes, and other times he doesn't understand why he's sad...that makes him cross with himself, and cross that we're not helping him. And he gets cross that he's different to you.

And for you? Well, you put up with a lot...
You are such a happy, content little girl, full of cuddles and kisses for all of us. And you're very clever too, and that's why sometimes I worry - that you're so clever perhaps you understand too much, especially when you're not even 3 yet.
You know that Mini takes up lots of our time, but you never complain. Sometimes you speak over Mini to get your voice heard, but I think all brothers and sisters do that. Sometimes you hit him too, but usually only when he's hit you first...I think that's normal too (because me and my brother used to do it aswell!).
Mostly you watch Mini scream, shout, tantrum, hit, kick and cry. And then you give me cuddles and check if I'm OK. Sometimes you ask if Mini's OK too, and you stroke his back and tell him to 'cheer up' or 'have a cuddle'.
You are really clever and very kind when you do those things, and it makes me very proud.

I want you to know Dollop that even though we spend lots of time with Mini, me and Daddy love you very very much. And even though he gets angry sometimes, Mini loves you very much too - he tells us, and sometimes he tells you too. Most big brothers get a bit cross with their little sisters sometimes - that's OK. And it's OK that he annoys you sometimes too. He still loves you, and we know you love him - as you say, he's the bestest brother in the whole world ever! And we love Mini too, he's our little big man, and just about the most special big brother you could ever want.

I've written to Mini before, but this is especially for you Dollop. It won't always be like this I promise. We're seeing a special man who helps us and Mini play, and it's already helping Mini be more cuddly, comfy, relaxed and friendly with us. Perhaps one day you'll come too, but for now, you enjoy spending time with Nanna and Grandad (remember, grandad LOVES reading to you!!).
For now darling, remember that we all love you, and we love being with you and seeing you grow and change into a big girl, a very clever, chatty, big girl. Don't ever change my lovely.

Love you loads and loads (like chocolate toads)

Mummy xxx

32 comments:

  1. A comment from the lovely Mumdrah, whose original comment went awry:

    I have great big hot tears of love for you all running down my cheeks reading this letter. Awesome post about an awesome family. The meaning of life is somehow contained in here - love, and the struggle we all have in our mortal coil. Fantastic. Powerful. Real. Heartfelt. You wonderful, amazing woman. Mx

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  2. Wow I have just sat here and read your wonderful letter with tears flowing fast and loose down my face. A couple years ago my eldest's therapist had me write him a letter but I could never have written something as beautiful as what you have written. Your children have a wonderful mother.

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    1. What kind things to say, thank you so much. It took a long time to write, but it's from the heart x

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  3. So beautiful Vicki, really warm and deep with love. I like the way you describe Dollop when you first held her in your arms. The way she seems to handle the situations with Mini is so loving and I'm not surprised that you are proud of her, she is a little star. xx

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    1. Thank you Sarah. She does put up with a lot, and has to wait sometimes whilst I see to her brother first...not many 2 year olds demonstrate the same patience. Love her x

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  4. This is such a heartfelt letter, bursting full of love and emotion. We lead complicated lives and children seem to make their own sense if it. I am sure that she will too. I'm glad you're getting some help and support with Mini x

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    1. Thanks Suzanne. The support is working as it should for now. Mini I fear will always carry his trauma in some form or another, but I hope we're giving both our children the tools to handle life. x

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  5. It brought tears to my eyes but such a beautiful and well written post. Really lovely to read although it must have been incredibly hard to write x

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    1. Thanks Charly, yes it was hard to write (and I got my new laptop a little damp from the tears!) but it was worth it. I needed to get those things out, and we will share this letter with her when she's ready x

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  6. Wow. You sound like such an amazing family. Lucky Mini and Dollop to have such devoted, thoughtful parents.

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    1. Thank you, really kind thing to say x

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  7. What a wonderful letter to your little Dollop.You sound a incredible family and I'm so pleased that after all your trying you finally got a little boy and girl to love,this post made me smile and well up at the same time ~ visiting from #pocolo

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    1. Thanks for visiting Jess. And for your kind words...we're very grateful for our two healthy children - the one that grew under my heart, and the one that grew in it x

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  8. This is such a beautiful and moving post! x

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  9. Lovely and so clearly child-focused. <3

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    1. Thank you. I wanted to write something that I could read to her now, so it had to be aimed at an almost 3 year old. x

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  10. What an absolutely beautiful post - I love it. It is wonderful that you have written this for your daughter as I am certain that one day she will read it and treasure it. Thank you so much for linking this up to PoCoLo, its reasons like this post that make it such a great link up. Thank you for your valued support.

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    1. Thank you. And thanks for hosting #PoCoLo, a great link up, with some fantastic posts x

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  11. This is such a beautiful letter. Dollop and Mini are very lucky to have you and each other. Very lovely xx

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  12. I love this letter. To put love into words is not easy but you do it so well. I feel like I know Mini and Dollop (fab names) reading this. I have recently been thinking of writing letters to my daughters, which is what drew me to your post on PoCoLo. I think you've just made me realise why it's so important.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. This whole blog is supposed to record events, feelings, actions and more, and so I hope one day Mini and Dollop will read it. But I wanted to write something I could share with her now, and equally want her to look back and know that we understand/stood how hard her early years have been too. Good luck with your own letters xx

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  13. Oh Vicki. What a beautiful post. I suspect you work so hard to try and ensure both children know how much you love them and balance that between such differing needs. What a lovely letter for Dollop for the future. They do understand so much don't they? Much love and I hope that your family is able to Fidnt more huggles and more calm with the new therapy xx

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    1. So many differences between them - gender, age, personality, beginnings, and physical/emotional needs - it's very hard to keep things fair and balanced, but yes, I hope they both know how much I love them.
      xx

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