Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Highs and lows

Last week I felt flat. I had gone to a dark place after some meetings took it out of me. Perhaps there's a lesson learnt there - don't have 3 important meetings/appointments in 2 days!

This week, I'm already feeling a little brighter. I've had many messages, emails and comments all wishing me well and they've made me stand a little taller, and pick out some positives from the week too...oh, and I've had the re-written IEP which does now reflect some of my concerns...so although they were aggressive and inflexible during the meeting, they have worked in my suggestions after it.

This does seem to be the life of an adoptive family. I know in all families there are highs and lows - we certainly had plenty before Mini came along, but the highs seems to be even higher and the lows lower now.

Recently Mini ran off to play with his friends in the playground when we arrived at school one morning. For many, this is something taken for granted, but this was HUGE for Mini - it was the first time ever he'd been confident enough to leave me and find his friends amongst the busy, noisy crowds of mums, dad, children and buggies. My eyes leaked a little bit.
We've also had times where he's been able to tell us how he's felt. And his play has changed from all baddies, cars crashing and people dying, to much more positive play where he is crashing the cars, but then fixing them after, or he becomes a superhero to chase away the baddies. Such progress, and a real high to see him developing this way.




Equally though we've had lows, where hours have been spent tiptoeing on eggshells for fear of setting off another blazing meltdown, and when it comes (which it inevitably does) there is 'the fear'. Fear in Mini's eyes and actions, fear somewhere deep inside him, fear for his and our safety, fear that Dollop will copy this seemingly erratic behaviour, fear that we will not be therapeutic, fear that we will do the wrong thing.




We spend much of our life in fear, but our job as parents is to allow Mini to feel fear in the safety of our arms and then help the fear recede quickly, replaced instead by comfort, reassurance, and security. We don't always get it right, and we cannot ultimately change or stop the things that make him scared, or the things that make him anxious, or the things that make him meltdown. We are however, beginning to give him better tools to cope with all of those things.

So this week, I shall continue to become brighter again, and I will keep all your positive comments with me. And I will continue to fill up the Positivity Pot - seeing those little slips of goodness will remind me that it's not all bad, in fact, a lot of the time, it's good...very good.

4 comments:

  1. what fantastic progress Mini has made! It must be heartening to see things getting better. I also find important meetings really draining - an overwhelming emotional tiredness. I guess it comes from "keeping it together" when everyone else is being mad/bad/not doing their job. Sounds like you've done fantastically well to keep positive. Love the positivity pot idea too!

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  2. Oh I have just stumbled across your little family and I am fascinated already. You seem to be giving him so much positivity and are fighting his little corner - amazing. I look forward to keeping up with you all, Bee x

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  3. Glad to hear that you are feeling brighter this week. I think sometimes a few days of perspective and rest can help enormously. I tend to overdo things as well and then feel tearful and over-react to everything afterwards. Mini is making progress and that is because you haven't given up on him. You are also fighting your fear and fighting FOR him and doing a great job of it. None of us get it right all the time (some of the time is nice though). Good luck with the IEP!! Hope it starts to help at school xxx

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  4. Oh I can so relate! It's been rough around here, feeling down, drained, empty. It's been through the kindness of others that has picked me back up (and a good cry and then self kick in the arse!) And I swear Jonathan's behavious has changed once I did too, a little less eggshelly and more listening:) Glad things are look up for you!

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