Well, it happened.
Mini met Dave-the-therapist.
We'd talked to Mini the night before and he seemed fine with the idea. Really fine. We told him that Dave helps us to be the best parents we can be, and he wanted to meet Mini so he could find out how we were doing, and to see what Mini thought. Once he's gotten used to Dave, I might also mention that he can help us find out about some of the things in our heads - something that Mini has asked about before.
So the next morning we discovered that Mini had wet the bed. No surprise there because we know how Mini reacts to stress and anxiety. What did surprise me was that he wet himself again before we'd even left for school.
We picked him up just before lunch, let him eat it at the cafe of the community centre where our therapy was, and then as we were walking in, we noticed that Mini was a little damp and had clearly wet himself again (but was drying out). Next time I'll make sure I have a change of clothes with me.
Therapy itself went quite well. Dave came and introduced himself whilst Mini was eating, which I think eased it for Mini and he wasn't thrown straight into it all. Then 5 minutes later we were in! Mini refused to sit on the sofa with us, instead playing with his squishy toy on the floor. He listened intently (even though he pretended not to).
Dave asked questions, gaining permission first. Mini answered, but didn't volunteer any information over and above his answers. He told Dave when he'd 'wondered' wrongly. We answered questions and told Dave how we felt.
There wasn't much that came out that we didn't know. We discovered that Mini knows we love him, even when we're cross and shouty (which means we're doing something right). And he loves us even when he's cross and shouty. We also discovered that Mini's favourite food is chocolate (we'd thought it was sweeties or sausages!). But I think some of Mini's answers surprised himself, and our answers surprised him too.
When Dave left the room briefly, Mini let us know he'd wet himself, which is why he wouldn't sit on the sofa. I shared this with Dave whilst Mini used the toilet with daddy, and he thinks that Mini is internalising things when he's anxious and doing new things, which then comes out as wetting. (Which we already kind of knew, but it's good that the therapist saw it too).
So in a low tone, I'm just to let Mini know that I've noticed that he wets in new and different situations and when he's worrying about things. That's it. No conversation, no big deal. Even if Mini disagrees, I won't get drawn in. If he doesn't know why he's doing it, it'll give him something to think about. After 10 times, maybe he'll believe me and realise it. Perhaps then we can do something more about it.
Generally I think it went well. We don't get any feedback yet, just go back in a couple of weeks for the next session. But I do feel that Mini showed some of what we see at home, and Dave got to see a glimpse of it all. Hopefully it was enough for him to go on. We could see where his questions were going and we'd known in advance what main areas he was going to cover. I know from the information that was drawn from Mini, Dave will be able to focus further sessions even more specifically.
So despite nerves all round before hand (although I really hope I managed to hide them from Mini), I'm pleased with how it went, and looking forward to the next session. We have homework now....not too challenging...I have to give Mini 5 hugs every day before school. The NC has to sneak in if he can and hug Mini in bed before he leaves for work AND they have to have 5 hugs in the 10minutes between him getting home and eating dinner.
Sounds easy? Try it, see how many you get, oh and they have to be proper big squishy hugs!