Thursday, 23 August 2012

Can I have a therapist mummy?

Tonight Mini was tired. We managed to stop a meltdown mid-flow (yay us!) as he was getting ready for bed. After throwing refusal upon refusal at his daddy, then full-on flailing limbs in every direction, followed by ear-splitting screaming, the NC and I tagged and Mini was happy to go to the bathroom with me instead and calmed down.
Upon returning to the living room he wanted something warm around his neck so we found his special crocheted blanket and I wrapped him up all snug and cradled him on my lap. Seeing that this was an opportunity for some nurturing, the NC took Dollop up to bed and left me with Mini.
So we had a lovely long cuddle, read a bedtime story and started talking.

I don’t know how we got onto the subject, but we talked a little about God. The NC and I don’t follow a faith, we try to ensure that our children know about all faiths so when they are older they can make their own choices.

‘Have you ever seen God Mini?’
‘Well, how do you know he exists?’
‘He just does, at least he does in my imagination book.’
‘Is that something you have at school then? An imagination book?’
‘No, it’s in my head, it’s where all the things I think about are written in my head.’
‘Oh, OK and what sort of things are in it? Are they all good or are some things not so good?’
‘I don’t know because I can’t get inside my head can I?’
‘That’s true.’
‘How do you ever know what’s in your head then mummy?’
‘Well, sometimes by talking to people you can find out what’s in there, and sometimes you dream about it and sometimes you might do something and it reminds you of something that’s already in your head.’
‘Can I talk to you, or is it someone special mummy?’
‘You can always talk to me, but there are also special people too called therapists.’
‘Can you get me a therapist mummy so I can learn more about what’s in my head.’
‘Do you want to try to talk to me first sweetie?’
‘Well I know there’s stuff about Dollop because she puts it there and makes me upset.’
‘OK, is there anything else?’
‘No, I don’t know, but not at the moment, can I go to bed now please?’

At which point Daddy magically arrived and Mini went to bed.

So what do I do now? I will mention it to our CAMHS therapist, and probably Post Adoption Support. But do I try to get him someone who he can talk to? Or just wait and see if it’s mentioned again?


  1. Well I'm no adoption expert, but my feeling with everything from 'hurting tummies' to problems at school is be sympathetic but calm the first time. If they mention again, it's worth looking into it more closely. If they don't, it's probably just something and nothing which has passed.

  2. Wow...what an incredible moment for you both and so moving that Mini opened up like that in the sacred space you'd made for him. My instincts would be strike whilst the iron's hot and find a therapist, but I'm sure it wouldn't be as easy as that with waiting lists and things (though you could use that conversation and the fact you want to honour Mini's wishes immediately as a pretty big bargaining tool maybe???). But it seems he's asked and you can really validate that conversation by taking action, showing him that you listened and are responding to his request - a powerful message. Or you could also make a space for you to work together, instigating a similar talk somehow, but that might be difficult if bigger stuff came up and you felt alone on it... What you've achieved is amazing though, creating a space where he feels safe and secure enough to open up like he has, and starting a ball rolling to further exploration - all the very best of luck.