Tonight Mini was tired. We managed to stop a meltdown
mid-flow (yay us!) as he was getting ready for bed. After throwing refusal upon
refusal at his daddy, then full-on flailing limbs in every direction, followed
by ear-splitting screaming, the NC and I tagged and Mini was happy to go to the
bathroom with me instead and calmed down.
Upon returning to the living room he wanted something warm
around his neck so we found his special crocheted blanket and I wrapped him up
all snug and cradled him on my lap. Seeing that this was an opportunity for
some nurturing, the NC took Dollop up to bed and left me with Mini.
So we had a lovely long cuddle, read a bedtime story and
started talking.
I don’t know how we got onto the subject, but we talked a
little about God. The NC and I don’t follow a faith, we try to ensure that our
children know about all faiths so when they are older they can make their own
choices.
‘Have you ever seen God Mini?’
‘No.’
‘Well, how do you know he exists?’
‘He just does, at least he does in my imagination book.’
‘Is that something you have at school then? An imagination
book?’
‘No, it’s in my head, it’s where all the things I think
about are written in my head.’
‘Oh, OK and what sort of things are in it? Are they all good
or are some things not so good?’
‘I don’t know because I can’t get inside my head can I?’
‘That’s true.’
‘How do you ever know what’s in your head then mummy?’
‘Well, sometimes by talking to people you can find out what’s
in there, and sometimes you dream about it and sometimes you might do something
and it reminds you of something that’s already in your head.’
‘Can I talk to you, or is it someone special mummy?’
‘You can always talk to me, but there are also special
people too called therapists.’
‘Can you get me a therapist mummy so I can learn more about
what’s in my head.’
‘Do you want to try to talk to me first sweetie?’
‘Well I know there’s stuff about Dollop because she puts it
there and makes me upset.’
‘OK, is there anything else?’
‘No, I don’t know, but not at the moment, can I go to bed
now please?’
At which point Daddy magically arrived and Mini went to bed.
So what do I do now? I will mention it to our CAMHS
therapist, and probably Post Adoption Support. But do I try to get him someone
who he can talk to? Or just wait and see if it’s mentioned again?
Well I'm no adoption expert, but my feeling with everything from 'hurting tummies' to problems at school is be sympathetic but calm the first time. If they mention again, it's worth looking into it more closely. If they don't, it's probably just something and nothing which has passed.
ReplyDeleteWow...what an incredible moment for you both and so moving that Mini opened up like that in the sacred space you'd made for him. My instincts would be strike whilst the iron's hot and find a therapist, but I'm sure it wouldn't be as easy as that with waiting lists and things (though you could use that conversation and the fact you want to honour Mini's wishes immediately as a pretty big bargaining tool maybe???). But it seems he's asked and you can really validate that conversation by taking action, showing him that you listened and are responding to his request - a powerful message. Or you could also make a space for you to work together, instigating a similar talk somehow, but that might be difficult if bigger stuff came up and you felt alone on it... What you've achieved is amazing though, creating a space where he feels safe and secure enough to open up like he has, and starting a ball rolling to further exploration - all the very best of luck.
ReplyDelete