Thursday, 12 July 2012

The day Mini empathised...


Wednesdays are fast getting a reputation in this house.

Wednesday morning is when Mini has been having a different teacher, and so, as a rule, Tuesday evenings and Wednesday mornings have been somewhat anxious times for Mini, and therefore difficult, challenging times for the rest of us.

Two weeks ago we had Wild Wednesday when Mini couldn’t hold back in showing his anxieties and insecurities. And although last week and yesterday were better, these days are clearly difficult for Mini.
Yesterday after school saw Mini in a destructive mood again, probably to punish me for making him go to school in the morning when I knew he’d be upset and worried by it.

But then things changed direction when the NC got home. This is traditionally the time when Mini steps things up a gear, when he turns into a screaming banshee and nothing is right. This is the time when he starts the point blank refusals to do anything. It's like daddy flicks a switch on his way through the door.
But last night, the NC had a bit of an accident on the way home and had tumbled off his bike. His knee and shoulder were scuffed and dripping with blood, and his elbow and hand were grazed and sore. As soon as Mini saw him he exclaimed “oh, that must really hurt daddy, are you ok?” The NC and I glanced at each other and after the NC had replied to Mini, I praised him for being so thoughtful and caring towards daddy.

He then offered to help daddy clean his wounds, and although he was a bit squeamish, he really tried and was gentle and caring.
Mini also ate nicely, despite earlier declaring to me that tacos were disgustin’ and he wasn’t eating them. In fact, he loved them, scoffed them and asked for more! He even enjoyed eating lettuce *shock horror* (couldn’t convince him to try tomatoes again tho!).
Bedtime went smoothly. Mini didn’t argue when it came to bathroom business, and he went up to bed without any problems. He only got out of bed once – briefly – before returning and dropping off.

So we had a great hour or two between daddy getting home and Mini going to bed. But this is why life is so difficult and confusing for all of us. We so often walk on eggshells, terrified of how Mini is going to react to situations because he swings so quickly and easily between nice, happy, easy going child to angry, shouty, defiant, aggressive devil to anxious, quiet, frightened little boy.

I sometimes have thoughts about whether we can continue as a family and whether Mini would be better placed with a family who has more experience of attachment issues and the way they affect children. Being Mini’s mum is hard…really hard. But those thoughts are ALWAYS followed by guilt, because he’s my boy and I know that in my heart I could never do that; I know how much that would really damage him. 

Times like last night, when we see those little glimpses of the Mini that used to be, really confirm to me that we love him and he loves us, and this is where he needs to be.

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