Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Sharing hopes

The Boy’s Behaviour is a blog about our life, and at the moment, life is hard. So I’m aware that sometimes it doesn’t paint the most positive picture about adoption.
Earlier I wrote about some of my concerns and fears for the future. Now I’m writing about the flipside…because although we have to deal with some hard times, difficult behaviour, stressful emotions and fears, we also have been lucky enough to have a lovely little boy who, when feeling secure, is able to play, laugh, and enjoy life.

For the most part I’d just like a clich├ęd future for my children – I want them to be happy and healthy. Beyond that…

I want my children to have lives that challenge them, push them, develop them, excite them, satisfy them, please them and accept them.

I want them to have positive relationships, and not dwell on the hurts that will inevitably happen, but learn from them, and move on from them with maturity and dignity.

I hope that Mini will be able to handle and manage his issues so that he can lead a normal life.

I hope that they have fun…whatever happens.

I hope that Mini is not defined by his adoption.

I want them to make the most of opportunities that come along, and I’d like them to create their own opportunities.

I hope that we’re making memories, and I hope that the children will look back on these times fondly and with love.

They say that life is what you make it. I hope that together, the NC and I can make a life for our children that they can be proud of, one that they can work on, build on and improve.


  1. I hope she'll be happy
    I hope she'll be proud that she's adopted
    I hope that she'll say my parents made me who I am
    I hope she won't be bitter
    I hope she'll look back on these months / years and remember laughter not anxiety
    I hope she'll have positive relationships and will be the best she can be

    Thanks for these posts xx

    1. Thank you for your comments. I've found writing these has really made me think and reflect, and re-assess things too. Hope I can focus on the hopes more than the fears from now on :-)

  2. I think you've hit the nail on the head in your last sentence "They say that life is what you make it." I think if you raise your children to have that thought in their mind then you will enable them to grab the opportunities that present themselves and be reflective on how they shape their own futures as adults xxx

  3. Stix, I've just read these posts and felt really moved by them, both the hopes and fears. Some years ago, I rather naively wrote an article on adoption for a magazine (before I really knew that much about it, but re-reading it has revealed some interesting sources of information... A little gift from Past-Me to Present-Me!). I conducted some interviews with adult adoptees, one of whom was 24 when she wrote this:
    "I feel lucky. My life could’ve so easily been different. I was fortunate enough be adopted by absolutely fantastic parents. As a family of four we get on so well and are close, something that some biological families never have. I am a firm believer in nurture over nature. I am totally my adoptive parents’ child and have not only picked up their good qualities; I am noticing that I have acquired their most annoying ones too!"
    She was a really bright and friendly woman who had had a tumultuous time in her teens but come out stronger and wiser. I always keep those interviewees in my mind, as examples of how things can turn out. And I showed them to my friend abroad who is struggling with her teenage adopted daughter, just to say things really can, and do, get better.