Thursday, 8 March 2012

Their views - and ours!


My name is Stix. I am a mum of 2 beautiful, clever children, one boy, one girl and I love them both to the moon and back – don’t let me forget that will you?

I got reminded today that I am an intelligent young woman. Actually, did he use the word young? Or is that wishful thinking?...anyways…

I am an intelligent woman. I know my son. My son is anxious and worried that he’s going to be moved on to new parents and I know it’s our job to reassure him that he’s not going anywhere, we love him and he is very much a part of this family.

People have differing views on the things we’ve told Mini, and when we’ve done it. They have differing views on what’s ‘wrong’ with Mini. They have differing views over whether attachment issues are real or excuses. People have differing views on the involvement we are currently having with the mental health service.  People have differing views on how 5 year olds should be. They have differing views on parenting, what’s normal, what’s not, and where Mini falls in terms of normality!

We are intelligent people, so despite everyone else’s views, I know that me and the NC have only ever done what social services suggested to us in terms of parenting styles, life story work and birth parent photos. And when that hasn’t worked we’ve sought help from general parenting books, adoption parenting books, health visitors, and reputable online sources such as Adoption UK and BAAF. Now none of that’s working we’ve sought help from our GP, and are receiving support from CAMHS (which is great, it’s working, we feel better, Mini is better, and whether or not people agree with the(lack of) diagnosis, we feel it’s right!)

I am an intelligent woman who will no longer feel guilty for the way we have parented OUR son. It might or might not have been the right way to do things – in anyone else’s view. But in ours, we’ve done what we thought best based on the information we had, the information we sought and what we know about our son!

We need to concentrate on now. There is no doubt that some of what we’ve done in the past hasn’t worked, there is no doubt that some of what we do in the future won’t work either, but we now know our son well enough to take a good guess at approaches that will work for us as a family, and if they don’t we won’t feel guilty, we’ll just try something else. Most of all, we’ll listen to all the advice and differing views, nod our heads, and then do what we think best anyway!

My name is Stix. I am an intelligent woman. And I am a mum of 2 beautiful, clever children. That’s all anyone else needs to know, and all I need to remember….

6 comments:

  1. The moment when you assume control is a crucial one I think, at least it was for me. Well done intelligent woman!

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  2. Hear Hear, IW!!! Nobody, no single piece of paper, no text book, no professional knows your son better than you do.

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  3. And you need to remember also that you Stix, NC, Mini and Dollop are all loved no matter what. There is no book that tells you how to be a parent. There is no absolute right or wrong. Do what works for you as a family. Seek opinion and advice to help you decide what is right for you but remember. ...you are intelligent and the decision is yours! You may make mistakes-you and are human- however, dont beat yourself up as you cant change the past but you can shape the future xxx

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  4. Lovely - every word rings clear and true!

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  5. So glad I found your Blog. I love to see other mother's have doubt too, But I am so glad you are parenting YOUR way!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Tammy...it's taken us a while to realise it, but we now know that our way is the best way for Mini x

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