Thursday, 23 February 2012

Tell me you love me...

We’ve had another pretty good week so far, with just a couple of incidents.

The night before he went back to school, Mini had some trouble settling to sleep – obviously anxious about not being at home, although it must be very confusing for him because he desperately loves being at school, but clearly worries about what happens at home when he’s there.

Monday night and Tuesday night were the same, with him being reluctant to go to bed, saying he wasn’t tired, and that he felt lonely. Me and the NC had to administer many many many cuddles to make sure that Mini was reassured that we were just downstairs, and we weren’t leaving him on his own.

Yesterday afternoon saw both Mini and Dollop a little wound up. We didn’t have a calm 5 minutes, despite me suggesting lots of calming activities and book reading (usually Dollop’s favourite thing to do). This continued through dinner and into the bath! Mini just would not stop messing around in the bath, and in the end kept slouching down so his face was mostly under the water, and then flailing around pretending he couldn’t get back up. This was just downright dangerous, especially when he caught Dollop with his thrashing limbs too, so he came straight out.

Whilst the NC continued to bathe Dollop, I carried Mini through to the sofa where we sat and had nice warm cuddles, with Mini wrapped in a great big towel. 5 minutes of crying to go back in the bath and promises to be safe, and all the while I repeated soothing words and ‘I love you’s ’. When he did calm down he told me that he didn’t know I loved him. And he told me that he didn’t know if Daddy loved him either. ‘But we tell you all the time that we love you’, I replied.

‘Well, it's not enough mummy, I want you to tell me more’….


  1. Oh bless him! What a sweetheart. xxxx

  2. We love him too....tell him please x

  3. Am sitting here catching up and reading bits from each of your posts out to my husband who, like me, is wide eyed and commenting on the almost freaky similarities between our boys. The language you use could come directly from us/him. My husband has just said that he thinks we ought to meet!

    LL says he feels 'lonely' at night. LL is always anxious about going to bed and struggles to settle the night before going back to school.

    Where it's different for him is that he says he does not feel safe at school. I would recommend reading 'Inside I'm Hurting' by Louise Bomber if you have not done so already. She is a therapist first and foremost now but was a primary school teacher. She has brought the two things together and is now working with adopted children in schools in the Brighton area. She is inspirational in her approach. My husband and I went to one of her conferences and it really opened our eyes to how our kids must feel at school. Her website can be found if you Google Louise Bomber and Yellow Kite. x

  4. I think we might have read that Louise Bomber book. We did so much reading during the assessment process, but I don't think I took in as much as I I've got a little one to relate it all to, I'm revisiting lots of those books starting with a Kate Cairns book, and also Caroline Archer. I'll have to add Inside I'm Hurting to the list too :-)

    How old is LL? Are school aware of his background? I hope you're getting some support there. We sort of are, but they don't really get it, because they see a normal, slightly quiet little boy in Mini - he's a model student...