Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Bye-bye birth family!

Saturday mornings are almost always difficult. Mini is usually still tired and adjusting to a few days at home. This weekend was the same…but the whole weekend was difficult. Meltdowns a-plenty.

Because Mini can rarely do quiet play on his own, we try to do a fair amount at the weekend to keep him busy, but like to give him quiet time too, so he can rest and catch up after a busy week at school. This weekend we had planned geocaching, a park trip, baking, a visit to nanna and grandad’s for Sunday lunch. Other than being late on Sunday as Mini had a major screaming meltdown as we were about to leave, each activity went well. But the downtime between each was horrific – time outs (for screaming and hitting) and time-ins for other less desirable behaviour more or less constantly between each activity. Tiring for us all.

At one point quite out of the blue Mini started repeating over and over that he’d come from my tummy. I corrected him once, but left it at that and offered cuddles.

We’ve had weekends like this before. So didn’t really think too much of it, until Tuesday…

On our social workers advice, we placed a frame full of photos in Mini’s room. Him in the centre, with a photo of him, me and the NC above, and then individual photos of birth mum, birth dad, me and the NC all around. It’s always been there and Mini knows who they are.
Tuesday morning Dollop asked to be lifted so she could see them. Mini immediately asked for them to be removed, and replaced with photos of Dollop. This caught me by surprise somewhat but I agreed that after school he could help me choose which photos we should put in. And he was happy with that.

Then we came downstairs and whilst sitting at the breakfast table Mini spotted two envelopes that I’d left out to post. Nosy child that he is, he wanted to know what they were – one was a birthday card (for my uncle if you must know!), one was a questionnaire. ‘But who for mummy?’ – I explained it was for the adoption agency. Mini immediately shouted ‘but I don’t want to go to new parents again’, threw himself on the floor and sobbed his heart out.
I picked him up and hugged him so tightly, and promised him over and over and over that he wasn’t going anywhere! Once he calmed down I was able to explain that the agency wanted us to help find other mummies and daddies to become parents to other boys and girls. ‘That’s a good idea mummy!’.

Is this why our weekend was so disrupted? Has he been thinking about these issues the whole time? Did I just see into his little head briefly? The little head that is usually locked and guarded?

My poor little boy is so anxious about where he’s come from and where he’s moving too at the moment, so for now it’s bye-bye birth parents. We’ll see you again if and when Mini is ready…but for now you’re out of sight.

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