Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Getting the ball (and blog) rolling....

Well, hello there and welcome to the first ever post on this blog - about my son's behaviour and our journey to improve it.
Let me introduce myself....I'm Stix, my son is Mini - he's just 5. He started school in September, and over the last year and a half his behaviour has gone from typical toddler tantrums to full on major meltdowns. 
We've sought help in the past from our health visiting team and have been fobbed off, and then eventually were encouraged down the Webster-Stratton route, but over the last month, it's gotten worse so today I've bitten the bullet and spoken to my GP.

Life with Mini is hard-going - he displays typical 5 year old behaviour. He says no (quite a lot), he ignores us, he winds up his little sister. He also does things that I think are not typical - he screams....a lot, he tantrums, he gets so worked up about small things but can't calm himself down, he is very defiant, he wets himself (despite being successfully potty-trained when he was 2 and a half), he is perfect at school but a switch gets flicked when he gets home - very Jekyll/Hyde style, he doesn't have any vague understanding of consequences, cannot follow basic instruction, he doesn't learn from his mistakes, likes to control conversations, he copies his little sister's bad behaviour even after seeing her told off, he can't stand silence and has to make noise, he counts everything....and I mean everything, he is frequently unable to make choices - even simple ones like whether to have cheese or jam in his sandwich and he's never been able to occupy himself - he's needed me or the NC to play with him, and if we've been doing something else i.e the dusting, he'd rather join in then play on his own.

Life with Mini is also rewarding. It took us several years to get through the adoption process in full (but just 9 months for the prep course and homestudy) and then a bit longer to be matched with and introduced to Mini. He is special because of how he came to us, he is a very good looking little boy who makes us laugh, and melts everyone's hearts with his smile. Mini is a smart cookie who adores his little sister, and enjoys baking with mummy, learning to ride his bike with daddy, and geocaching with the whole family.

My mothers intuition is telling me that things aren't right.
My GP listened to me, did not make me feel neurotic, and is going to set up an observation session. I think we're properly on our way now to getting some help.

9 comments:

  1. Nice blog Stix....have you thought about filming him and playing tantrum back? Record for the professionals too! from Wallygrom x

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    1. Thanks for the idea...we do already have a few voice recordings, but will set up the video camera at weekends too - when his behaviour is generally worse.

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  2. Welcome to blog world. I wish you well both with your blog, and with getting some answers about Mini's behaviour and some support for you all.

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  3. Hi! I could have written a good amount of what you have said word for word. Our 6.5 year old son (also adopted) displays a lot of the same behaviours. Hope it might help to know you are not alone! Good luck for the future, I shall be reading with interest! : )

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    1. Thanks P and P. It definitely does help to know there are others out there in similar situations :-) Support, especially from other parents is vital. And I hope that if we manage to get some help, it'll show others that it can be done, you just need to know where to look...

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  4. my son is 8 and also adopted. he too has some the same traits as your mini. my son dan is great at school then as you said a flick of a switch and he melts down over silly things. which then involves slamming and hurling abuse at me, your mean and i hate you wish id never come to live here etc, we do conscences with him, hes currently going with out his nintendo ds started one day ban but end up a week as i wasnt answering him when he was rude he kept coming back to say something else.
    he cant be quiet for more than a few seconds, he does have a concentration problem that we and school are work on and slowly improving as hes a clever boy if he only listened. im sure as a mum he too has something underlying but cant put my finger on. hes a loving boy and will usually apologise after a few mins. if hes messing around we give him to the count of 3 to do something or loses out on something. this works for us. good luck with it and your not alone

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    1. Hi Kerstie and welcome! Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you've found a technique that works for you. Counting to 3 used to work for us, but over the years Mini has become less bothered about losing things, and he doesn't learn from it - so 10 minutes later he'll do the exact same thing, lose out again and so the cycle continues - we all end up getting frustrated. I'm hoping that with some help we'll find something that does work for us.
      It's great that the school are supporting you and helping you - hope Dan continues to improve x

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