Monday, 23 January 2012

4 years today!

Another weekend over….phew. 

Saturday was relatively calm, with us all going on a family walk to our local bakery – this is a treat and not something we do very often, but Mini enjoys cakes and so does his sister, and it’s nice to get out for a bit of fresh air. Of course, though, whereas most parents like to tell their kids where they’re going, we kept it from Mini right until we got to the bakers, as often the excitement is just too much for him, and his behaviour deteriorates. This also means we have a good 20minutes of Mini asking ‘Are we there yet?’ and ‘Where are we going’, but this is easy compared to the fallout we might otherwise experience! The positive from this visit was that Mini successfully made choices about what cake he wanted AND he chose one for Dollop too!
 Mini also spent some time upstairs in his room playing – this is quite a result, as just ‘playing’ for him is difficult, to do it by himself in a room on his own even harder, but he managed it for a good hour and a half. Not only does this give me and the NC time together, or 1:1 time with Dollop, or even just housework time, it’s nice knowing that Mini is doing something normal, like other kids, and managing to do something that other families take for granted. It certainly makes me feel a lot calmer when we have some time apart, and I would like to think that he benefits from it.

Sunday was less calm, with me and the NC having to tell Mini repeatedly to walk, not run around the house – he does have a habit of knocking Dollop flying, and our house really isn’t big enough.  We had several meltdowns about what he did and didn’t want to do, and when he did and didn’t want to do it! We had some calm around lunchtime when we treated the kids to lunch out, but as soon as Mini had finished he was crawling under the table, and over it too!
Throughout the day, we went through around 7 pairs of trousers as Mini seemed to have no control over his bladder, and on the occasions when we asked him to go to the bathroom because we knew he needed to go (you all know that tell-tale wriggly ‘I’m trying hard not to pee dance’ that I’m talking about), he just about point-blank refused.
I must admit, the NC lost patience a couple of times, and I spent much of the afternoon in the kitchen, taking cover from the meltdowns, arguments, refusals and wet trousers! So, my day was pretty productive with lots of cake for the week ahead (who am I kidding, it’ll last a couple of days if I’m lucky!).

And then today, well, today is a school day, so we’ll see what happens come 3.15! 4 years ago today, we met Mini for the first time – when he was just a year old. I remember the day very clearly, as I always will because it’s not just the day I met my son, but 8 years ago on the same day, I lost my dad. It always feels wrong to celebrate because of this, but we remember both, and usually take a minute to look through the album put together by Mini’s foster family, then we’ll light a candle for dad (or grandad-in-heaven as he is known to Mini and Dollop). It doesn’t seem possible that 4 years have passed, yet so much has also happened in that time! At the moment, I’m finding it really hard to look 4 years into the future, I can’t imagine what life will be like for us all. I hope the bad stuff improves, but mostly I hope that we are all happy, happier than we are now, creating as many memories as we have over the last 4 years.

I’ve had a few readers and twitterers in touch this past week with a lot of supportive comments, and it’s great to know that there are others in the same situation – not because I’d wish these difficulties on anyone, but because ‘normal’ mums don’t understand, and if you haven’t been through ‘it’ then it’s hard to appreciate just how hard life for our kids can be. Thanks for all your comments, please keep them coming! Advice, thoughts and links to useful info would all be very welcome x

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